Life and Death

This past weekend I found myself reflecting back. It was the anniversary that my dad passed away. I thought of the good times, the tough times, what I wish he was around for...
- I wish he was around to take my boys to antique truck and tractor shows (i personally hated them growing up...)
- I wish that he could see how mechanical my boys are, that their pudgie little hands look like his.
- I wish that he could have found peace from the depression at the end of his illness
- I'm glad that he chose Jesus as his savior so that I know I will see him again - whole and free of disease.

And then I found life. At church this weekend I really worshiped, I found myself not only hearing, but believing, experiencing, challenged, and loving it all. One of those times you feel like your pastor was spying in on your life again. The right words for the right time. Learning something new about Romans that I've never seen before, enlightening.

On a lighter note - this time of year is challenging. In Michigan you never know what the weather is going to be like. So I have cold weather and warm weather clothing out. Not only that but both boys are in between sizes. There are clothes everywhere, totes with sizes scattered around the house, piles of clothes to pack up.

That brings us to garage sale season. The big community wide sales are this weekend, so I just finished an inventory of the next 2 sizes for Ryan - what I have stashed away, what I still need (to help my sale buying compulsion...) I've actually been shopping the garage sales for great deals to turn around and sell on eBay. I think I'll be able to make some pretty good money off of what I've found so far. Put it all in a spreadsheet today to help my garage sale purchasing so that I'm coming up with good lots to sell. I know it sounds organized, but I'm sure I'll get out there and leave the lists in my bag the whole time and then kick myself later...

Blast From The Past

I've been following a new blog through a friends... The people that you meet, and yet don't meet...

Anyways, I read about her struggle with infertility, her desires, her struggles, searching for value. For me it is like rewinding the clock 5-7 years. It has brought back so many memories and feelings I've buried for a long time. At that point most people didn't know our heartache. We chose to keep our infertility issues to ourselves (I did share with one other friend going through the same thing).

This was the time of year I hated. I hated Mother's Day with a passion. Every year all the moms stand up at church and the congregation applaudes - my heart would break. They would generously give a mother's day gift to all of the women -but it felt like a sham and I would find a way to refuse. People would jokingly ask when we were going to join the parent group instead of being DINKs (double income no kids).

Family would tease about wanting grandkids, we'd been married long enough (by the way how long is that?) We had made the decision to start trying to have children 4 days before my dad died. He would never know...

Seemed like everyone else was getting pregnant. A 17 year old cousin, friends, family all over the place. Everywhere you went you saw babies, pregnant women, threw a shower.

What we would find out is. PCOS - poly-cystic ovarian syndrome which is closely related to diabetes. My underactive insulin caused my blood sugar to mess with hormones making it impossible to get pregnant. We started treatment but weren't sure how far we wanted to go ethicly, morally, and spiritually. I looked at adoption and Andy wasn't so sure about that. My heart couldn't handle spending thousands on treatment and come out without a child...

This was the point we shared with the people that we loved and loved us about what was going on. Realizing that we were not alone made all the difference in the world. People loved us, prayed for us, stopped rude comments that people would make.

We worked with Junior High kids and that became my outlet. I couldn't have kids, but I could make a difference in kids lives - maybe ones who's parents really didn't care. I threw myself into work, volunteering, and the lives of friends and their kids.

God ended up blessing us with a beautiful boy about 4 years ago. In the hospital I looked at his face and saw a miracle. God has since then sent us a second boy. The struggle to have children actually softened the blow of difficult pregnancies and postpartum depression. It was part of the package of my blessing.

I don't write all of this to bring attention to me, but to make others aware of the silent pain so many women (and men) go through this time of year. Be careful with your words, pray for one another, and most importantly give where you can to who you can. Never know what a difference your words and actions make.

p.s. I would still really like to adopt. I've mostly got the husband convinced. We are settling into life before we pursue it. It can be really costly and there are lots of considerations. But that's a whole other blog.

News We Were Waiting For

Had the doc appointment we've been waiting for. The one where the doc tells us why the blood clots happened and what happens long term.

Good News - My levels are balancing well on the thinners and have two wonderful weeks until they have to stab me for blood again. I got into the chiropractor today and my neck and back feels much better.

Average News - The level at which by blood clots is slightly high, nothing to be concerned about but still cautious. I only have to do 6 months on blood thinners. They aren't sure if the level is what caused my clot, a side effect from birth control meds, a random occurance, or a combination there of. No real answers yet no real future concerns.

Bad News - I've got 5 more months of blood thinners and test. I still have a sinus infection/bronchitis. The last round of antibiotics worked, but was not prescribed long enough so it never fully left. So... 20 day of antibiotics here we come.

It was a wonderful day today in the sunshine. Took Ty to the park while Ryan was at pre-school and we all went to another park tonight. The bath water was pretty dark tonight before bedtime. They are sleeping hard and I think I will too.

Power of Words

So yesterday I was so excited and nervous about heading to church. I had a new drastic hairdo and curious as to how it would be received. As I got ready I actually looked in the mirror and thought - "hey, not so bad"

I was on praise team and scheduled to sing a solo. I had been practicing like crazy and felt like I had the song pretty good to go. Well - I blew it. Some really bad notes, timing off, etc. Suddenly the day was a dud. I was so disappointed, wanting to touch people with a song that meant so much to me.

Then our pastor got up and talked about pride, about selfishness, the trap that everyone of us falls into. Conviction followed. Was I really concerned about making a difference to others or was it that I sounded bad? Left me pondering.

Then I talked with Hazel. She's a dear old lady who definitely has the gift of encouragement. In her eyes and words I always look like a beauty pageant queen, sing like an angel, and cook like a chef (her health is failing so I bring her meals). After a few short moments with Hazel, I walk away feeling validated and loved. What power those words have...

What do my words leave people with? What do my kids hear? If I could be half the encourager that Hazel is, I will be an amazing woman. I'll be working on that.

Here's the Scoop

It's been a busy week. Last friday my niece Emma was born. Cute little girl and doing very well. Since I have no girls of my own, I love to spoil my nieces (I have 3 now).


Today my new nephew was born. He had a bit of a tricky entry into the world at 10 lbs 7 oz. (c-section praise the Lord). My sister-in-law is Type 1 diabetic and has had a long haul of a pregnancy. Little Alex is spending his first day in this world in the neo-natal hospital on oxygen. He's doing better and will hopefully be entering standard care tomorrow if all goes well. Can't wait to see the not so little guy tomorrow.

My baby got his first haircut yesterday. He's almost 21 months and really didn't need that much hair cut, but parts were getting a bit frizzy and wild. There was this great little fire truck he got to sit in while the stylist snipped away. Haircuts always make them look so much older.


The big surprise is I CHOPPED my hair off last night. I've been growing it out for months for the Locks of Love project. However you need 10 inches to donate. Thanks to all the meds I've been on and thin blood, my hair is actually not growing much so I gave up and cut it. I was excited to find Pantene has a Beautiful Lengths project for cancer patients that only needs 8" - that I could do. My hair is really thick so maybe they can do two wigs out of it...


I decided to find the wild child in me. I haven't had short hair since 3rd grade. I opted for bright blonde and auburn red highlights to make it a little more dramatic. The picture really doesn't due the cut or color justice, it really turned out cute and I don't usually like my hair. For once I don't feel frumpy and old fashioned. Now we'll see if I can keep up with it. It's been fun shocking everyone so far because it's something they really never expected from the predictable ole Jenelle.

After being sick for so long, I think this is just the change or spice in life that I needed.

The Season Started

The garage sale season has started. I've actually detoured my routes on getting places when I've seen sale signs. It truly is an addiction. Today I got a leap pad, a little kids shopping basket, 2 winter hats, and a darling sweater for my niece - all for under $6. Gotta love it. Now I need to sell more of my extra "stuff" so I can have fun this garage sale season.

Here's a tease for you. I have a BIG surprise for you tomorrow. Something I've never done before. It will be very unlike me for sure.

MeMe - 6 Unimportant Things

So I'll follow suit and share the mundane things of my life that you probably won't care about, but hey, at least it is something.

#1 - I'm a texture eater. If I don't like the way it feels in my mouth, I can't eat it. In this category is meatloaf, fresh blueberries, mushy peas, and most anything slimy.

#2 - I like to dip my french fries in my frosty at Wendy's. Gross but oh so good.

#3 - My first bike was way to big for me and my parents got it off a street corner because someone was throwing it away. Many crashes resulted from the size.

#4 - I'm too cheap to buy CDs. There are several that I'd like to have, but can't bring myself to spend the money.

#5 - I'm addicted to clearance racks. If it says 50% or 75% off I'm automatically drawn. There is a certain love for an orange sticker on a great item. My purchasing conquests must be shared, and my husband is never that interested on the deal (just that I spent money). Thank goodness for girlfriends who understand.

#6 - I've always wanted to skydive. About 5 years ago when we signed up for life insurance policies this came out and my hubby made me promise never to do it. Don't know if I'd ever really have the guts, but sure sounds like fun.

How about you? Any unimportant trivia to share?

Brighter Days

God bless the creators of muscle relaxers and may my chiropractor learn to let his patients know when he's out of the office for extended periods of time. I'd much rather do the natural route of healing when possible, but not against going the drug route short term to solve problems either. I feel like a walking pharmacy, but things are definitely improving. Hopefully the drug list will continue to dwindle.

It was a busy, full day - but one of the most enjoyable I've had in a very long time. Logziella, her family, and Rachael all came over for lunch and we ate, laughed, played games, negotiated peace treaties between kids, and ate some more. Before we knew it was after 7. It felt good to be alive again, to laugh, to experience life & friends... all things that illness has robbed us of over the past couple of months.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words, for allowing me to have my woe-is-me moment and then move on. I definitely have a new compassion for those with long-term or chronic illness. Maybe that is the lesson meant to be learned through all of this so that I can encourage those who feel so helpless. Maybe.

I'm the proud aunt of a beautiful little girl named Emma Kay. She was born on Friday and is so precious. A nephew is on the way this week or next depending on his lung development. My sister-in-law has type 1 diabetes and they are concerned about her and the baby and want to induce her as soon as possible. Pray for her health and the little boy as well.

Tomorrow I'll try to take my two rugrats for pictures. I'm a couple months behind, but illness, head wounds, and bruises don't make for good pics when you're spending the bucks to have them done... I'm sure that something will happen in the morning to throw plans off, but until then, we'll try.

Pity Party

Okay, I'm officially done. I have had all I can take. I'm on the verge of tears all the time.

I am sick of being sick. The bronchitis has not gone away and in fact I've coughed so hard that I've pulled a muscle in my neck. The pain starts at the base of my skull and runs down my shoulder. I've had problems with this before (during pregnancy - but I AM NOT pregnant) but I can't take ibuprophen and my chiropractor is out of town. Got some muscle relaxers from the doc today so hopefully they will start to help soon. I can hardly sleep, turn my head, etc.

I hate blogging anymore cuz it seems like a whine fest. So until I start to get better I'm just going to avoid writing. Hopefully I won't be gone too long, but these days I start to wonder if I'm ever going to get better....

Then I see stories about amputees pulling their lives back together and chronic illnesses and I get a bit of perspective. Maybe this junk isn't so bad after all.

Still Going

Good News: We now have satellite TV and a working phone. The boys are both better. The sun has shown most of the last 5 days. It has been warm enough to keep the windows open a couple of hours every day. The cement guys are coming this week to measure and layout driveway, walks & patio.

Indifferent News: The excavator is gone for a week and can't finish grading in time for the cement to get poured as soon as we'd like.

Not So Great News: I have bronchitis again (rather still). On new antibiotics to try to get rid of it for good. Hubby's first antibiotic didn't kick ear infection and he's on round 2 as well. UPS couldn't find our house to deliver internet set up software and is left in the warehouse abyss for us to go collect so I'm still at the coffee house...

Side Note: You know you've been to the doc office a lot when a physician in the practice you haven't met says "Oh, you're the one we've been talking about" Guess that's a good thing and a not so good thing all in one.

Small Town Life

We are hibernating this weekend in attempts to kick all the germs and viruses. So last night I ran out quick from our germ infested world to grab some groceries and a couple of movies. Although I grew up in a small town, my last 13 years of city life has dramatically changed my point of view.

Here are a couple of observations and realizations I've come to.

** You say that you are "going in to town". This means that you don't live in one.

** There is only one of lots of things. 1 grocery store, 1 movie store, 1 dry cleaner, 1 etc (however there are 3 gas stations and several bars/restaurants that break the mold).

** The grocery store can charge insane amounts of money cuz they are the only act in town and they know how much you will spend in gas to get anywhere else. I'll be planning my shopping a little better to avoid the money trap of proximity.

** Everything closes earlier. I snuck out to the coffee shop to find that it closes at 8 pm. What the ??? I thought coffee shops were for late night people?

** It's not a matter of "if" you will run in to someone you know, it is a matter of "who" you will run in to. I haven't lived here in over a decade and I ran into Melanie. Reminder to self - no more ratty yoga pants for running to the store or gas station quick. Also, brush your hair.

** My sleepy farm town is much yuppie-er than I remember. The soccer moms with SUVs and perfect hair & nails is quite alarming.

** Neighbors talk to each other. I've met more people in our new neighborhood in two weeks (most of which we've been inside sick) than in the last 7 years at our old house. There is already talks of progressive dinners, cookouts, bonfires, kids to play with, etc.

** My husband has never been more content. We see deer in the woods almost every morning (just wait til fall my white-tailed friends), there is room to move, lots of stuff to burn (without a permit), fellow hunters down the street, and a major dream/project completed. Now I have to keep him motivated on the 900 small projects left to do...

By the way, the sun is shining, it's around 60 degrees, and I've opened every room in the house to let fresh air in and get germs out, all the linens are changed, washed, and if it doesn't move it's been sanitized. Those who are moving will be bathed and disinfected before bed. We will be healthy again!

More Flu

Little man now has the flu. This is the kid that never sits still, so he wanders the house murmoring, crying, and wanting to be held/put down/held/put down... you get the idea.

Good news is that I almost have the kitchen organized and started hanging stuff on the walls. We're getting there, I think.

Think healthy thoughts... Think healthy thoughts... Is spring out there anywhere?