Time has become incredibly tight in getting stuff done for the house to keep things on schedule. Tight enough that I braved taking the kids with me to shop for drawer/door hardware at a place called The Basement Store. I've heard all about their great prices, yadda-yadda-ya. Seriously it is in someone's basement. I had brought the umbrella stroller to strap Ty down and had extensive talks with Ryan about not touching anything and if you are really good we'll go to McDonald's for lunch.
We get there and there is a flight of steps to get in the house and then a flight to get down into the basement. There is one small room with hardware mounted on peg-boards propped up. Not the most attractive, but whatever to save a few dollars. Only to find out the peg boards aren't mounted to anything so kids can pull them down... Turns out they have toys for kids to play with. It's a kitchen set and a couple of other toys in their laundry room. Seriously, I'm not lying - bleach, cloths, bags of bird feed, etc.
Somehow we managed to get all the stuff picked out without too many problems only to find out they only take cash or check. Didn't have $200+ in cash on me and had left the check book at home, so there is a box of hardware waiting for us. Think I'll send Andy next time.
Later in the afternoon is when chaos hit. Ryan didn't take a nap, Tyler took a very short nap, and Andy wasn't going to make in from work in time to pick up the loaner car from the body shop fixing our car. So I'm trying to finish dishes, keep Ty from fussing(all day), get the boys ready, etc. I hear this horrible screaming coming from the other room to find out that Ryan had thrown his boot at Ty and hit him in the head. This is the point were we all ended up having meltdowns.
I had my first official anxiety attack since going off the meds. From that point on it was a pretty rough emotional evening. That was all before I tried leaving the new house shortly after 11 in my hubby's work van to manage to get stuck in the drive. 1/2 hour later I got it loose to get stuck a second time. Hubby got a neighbor to watch sleeping boys and come to my rescue. Meanwhile I get unstuck and end up in a snow drift - stuck for the third and final time. This one is going to be a rough one to get out of. The good news is a missed trees narrowly in 2 of the 3 stickings.
Now I'm home and can't sleep cuz one of the boys is coughing and restless in his sleep. Need to try to block it all out and go to sleep...
At this point I've decided to go back on the meds at the request of my hubby and try to work my way off later. Can't deal with the panic attacks again, not now at least.
So I'm feeling a bit defeated, but that's okay. We'll try again.
4 comments:
Jenelle - if you ever get stuck like that again - call us! Steve has a big manly truck and is always happy too flex his muscles to help a girl!
Hope next week is better...we need some spring, I think.
I understand the feeling of wanting to get off of the meds. Believe me... But don't be in such a hurry to get off of the meds that you try too soon. Give yourself the time to be really ready to make the transition.
(like sleep meds - took me a couple of years, but the time finally came and I've been off for a few months now) You'll get there, friend... in God's good time. Hang in there - we're praying.
Building a home and dealing with piles of snow are quite large tasks my dear. You are NOT defeated, your reason for wanting to go off is great, but your timing may have just been too soon. It is not the end, you will have a time once you are settled in your new home to try it again. There is a lot of stress when building. Give yourself credit, you did well for the short time you were off, you will do fantastic again when the time is right. Just be lead by Him.
{{HUGS}}
I am so very sorry that you had this kind of day...
Jenelle-your an amazing person and if you happen to need a little help in this "season of life" then so be it. It's not a forever thing...for sure. Here's some good news for you my friend, this is probably the MOST stressful time you will ever have in life. You probably won't build another house again and even if you did...it's a good chance you won't have 2 small children at the time nor would you repeat it in the winter. I said that-not to depress you more- but to say that it might be a "drug worthy" time in your life AND there's hope as it will all be over soon and from there on is smooth sailing! I can't think of a more peaceful and relaxing place on this earth for you than this home once everything is finished. Think with me here...you on your new couch...in your beautifully painted living room...in front of a roaring fire...with tons of beautiful trees turning color out your extra large slider...boys are playing safely outside and hubby just walked in the door with dinner. Won't that be nice? Think on such things...
I'm praying too.
LOVE YOU!!
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